This post is a bit of a departure from the poetry I normally write. I received this as a writing prompt recently and I was amazed how quickly the words flowed forth from my pen. In my experience, writings that come this quickly from my mind, without much prompting usually connect with others at a more deeply profound level. I’m hoping this strikes a chord with you. If you’re struggling with anything in your life at the moment, give it a try. Pick a timepoint in your life: 5, 10, 20 years, etc. and write a letter to your younger self and what you’ve been through, what you’ve accomplished, nd/or what you’ve learned.

– Nick

Dear N –

Today, I thought I would put pen to paper and update you about the way life has progressed in this decade. Where I’m standing right now doesn’t seem like we have been the recipient of the best of the world, or the best of our choices, or decisions. I sit here with a degree of anger, a measure of incredulity, and still an unwavering hope that the best is still to come. What I want to communicate to you is that what is happening for me today is partially because of the combined choices we’ve made over the years.

We have been on ONE HELL of a ride. Hang on, Kid. I know you just met someone special, and he truly is, and it’s going to be great. I don’t want to ruin some of the surprises heading your way, but you’re about to ALMOST get everything you ever thought you wanted. So, hang on and enjoy!

But there are some rapids coming, too. You’re going to be faced with some impossibly painful decisions and you will make the best choices in your time, I know it. You’re going to have some incredible luck, love, and some great stories to tell. Over the years, you’re going to meet some great people, you’re going to fight for others and you’re going to win some battles. You’re going to lose a lot, too.

It’s not going to be all sunshine, roses, and puppy dog tails., Prepare for some serious hurt, too. Some great losses are about to find you and you’re not going to be able to outrun them, don’t be afraid to ask for help but beware who you ask. You may find their advice sounds perfectly sound but there will be a trap door built in. I wish I could have known in advance where those were. You’re about to experience the world’s most death-defying roller coaster.

…. And hopefully we will come out of it more alone and more at peace than ever experienced. You’re not going to be able to make sense of it all, and the many in your life will watch from afar as you struggle to hold onto a sense of truth, love, and patience. You’re going to run low on all three but try to hold on.

All of this experience is going to change your life in ways you cannot imagine and that I still cannot fathom, the changed you experience will change your entire outlook on life, spirituality, faith, humanity, and where you think you are in the world.

Friendships will fade to the background or will disappear completely. Some will dissolve and some will return. Even I cannot predict which ones will do what. The expectations you have for others will be so far from the reality of what you receive and you’re not going to know why. The dizziness will drive you mad in so many ways and will place your focus on trying, desperately so, to find a connection in the world.

Ultimately, you’re going to be drained, damaged, and distraught. Your whole being will be epically changed at the molecular level. Most days you’ll find that you don’t even recognize yourself. You’re still you. You should know that you’re steadfast, loyal, strong, and a diamond – even in this rough state – you will will look back with such a state of shock, of wonder, and of bewilderment. Do not ever apologize for doing so. There is no heart in this world bigger than yours. It is ok to get a little angry, too.

You will miss the ones you’ve lost. Those who have departed for other pastures. Love yourself harder and wish them well. It’s the classy thing to do. Get comfortable with accepting their withdrawal, too. Defend yourself furiously.

You are stronger than anyone will ever realize. The life you led has given you a superhuman ability to accept others and a strength of ten broken men. You will be able to shake this off. You will always remain true to your deepest ideals; your core values will guide you well here. Remember that there is goodness in all of us. Do not ever let go of that believe, rely on the goodness within yourself. The world will reinforce that belief, that value even when you don’t see it in your port-hole sized windows.

Continue to look for the good – It is always out there. Continue to give love with your full heart no matter how much you want to retreat and hole up in the coldness you feel.

The world needs more of that kindness. The world needs more of that love. The world needs more hope. The world needs more respect. The world needs the emotional wisdom you are going to learn over the years.

Just try hard not to give up. Let me repeat that: JUST TRY HARDER NOT TO GIVE UP.

This world needs your light in it. I need your light in this world. There are those you are going to meet that you are going to change the whole trajectory of their life. Just by showing your light from within you’ll change them more than you’ll ever know. You are on this path, this plane of existence, this death-defying rollercoaster for as long as you need to be.

So strap in, put your hands up, get ready to scream into the darkness, see the light at the end of the tunnel and come out the other side. So, you might as well enjoy the ride.

Because it is so worth it.
Because you are so worth it.
Because life is so worth it.
Because love is so worth it.

Because I need you to make it through to this side. We’ve still got a lot of work to do.

You are allowed to be angry. Just as long as you meet that anger with love and forgiveness in equal measure. Just never forget this one most piece of advice as you go out into this world as you see some things, hear some things, learn some things, and as you do some things:

“When you’re standing alone, when you’re feeling completely abandoned, when you want nothing more than to be loved, held, respected and welcomed, that is when you’ll hurt the most, that is when you’ll want to be found the most. But you are not lost. You still are, and always have been, so fucking amazing. Do not ever lose sight of that.”

Do not lose sight of yourself. You are the only you I’ve got. And I’m still here, with arms outstretched, to greet you with the world’s biggest hug.