Today I walked on the beach. When I came to the place I wanted to stop, I took a moment a surveyed the scene. I stopped, I took a breath, and I looked around…

I noticed one thing, I was struck by one thing, as I looked back from where I had come I noticed only a single set of footprints. The only impressions upon the sand were where my feet met the earth.

As I looked ahead to where I was going there were no footprints… No other impressions, no history, no record, nothing to guide and nothing to shape my path. In front of me the sand was untouched…

It was then that I realized that I may never have known you and that you may have never really known me. Many parts of my life have been lived in the shadows. I am a multifaceted individual. I am a person of many characteristics, and I apologize for none of them.

Yes, the version of me that you may know is authentically me, however it is the sanitized version that comforts your fears and your worries.

We want all of us want to live authentic lives, we want to live out loud and proud, and this is no different. I have always lived my life in a way that allowed me to meet interesting people, to identify with them, to seek to understand them on a better level. These are characteristics I want the whole world to embrace. Seek to find those who you have something in common with but also those who can tach you to reach for something better.

In the end, I have to choose to accept the decisions of others. I have to choose to accept the decisions I make. I have to choose to believe in myself and learn greater lessons. It may have been a long path, but here I am. Who I was meant to be.

This life is mine and these are my choices. My heart, my soul, my strength, has not been granted to me by someone or by some otherworldly being. These gifts are not something that has been wrapped up and presented to me one day by some benevolent figure. My life has been forged in steel, by fire. My life has been battle tested it has been ridden hard and put away wet and I have come through.

I believe that no one wants to believe me, or no one wants to believe this could happen to them. However, no one wants to come to my aid or defense, because “I don’t know how to help you” or “I don’t see what you’re seeing” – the deflection is massive. 

I am not in need of your thoughts and prayers, your empty offers of hope, nor your fingers crossed that it might get better. 

I would like to introduce you to New Nick.

This Nick is no longer thankful to be included, this Nick no longer fakes positivity and light. This Nick believes in genuine expression of his emotions – be they happiness, sadness, or freedom or constraint. – This Nick does not contort himself for your approval. This Nick does not require your approval to exist but will not accept merely your tolerance.

You want to be friends, then great, let’s do it. But if you’re doing so out of obligation or some other payoff at the end? I think you should know that I no longer play by any rules but my own. So, take that for what it’s worth, speak up now, speak your conscience, for mine is clean for all I know. I have asked myself for forgiveness and I have granted others theirs, deserving or not.

I have accepted the life that has grown within me. I have accepted this is my new path. I have accepted who I am. And I take that acceptance without guilt, without shame but only with love and joy. For today is a new day, tomorrow is a new day.

Here’s to new days. With whomever may join on this path.