There are two sides,
between you and I,
once you gave me life,
once you walked through.

In my most difficult moments,
my darkest times,
you held me,
you held my hand.

With your strength,
I lost and found my way

You pushed me to be,
the strongest man I could be,
yet you bent me towards the point of breaking,
over and over and over and over,
then you propped me back up again.

You tried to break me down,
yet, I was always the boy,
you expected me to be.

I’ve always been the boy,
you needed me to be.

It helped me get through,
you gave me your strength,
instead of providing safe harbor to break down,
you showed me how to build these walls,
and how to fuel these flames.

We gave them our oxygen.

This inferno burns deep.
This inferno within me.
This inferno does not extinguish.
This inferno propels me forward.
This inferno scorches the trail.
This inferno chars what it touches.
This inferno concentrates its heat.
This inferno laid waste to me.

None of what you’ve seen,
has been new for me,
what you have controlled,
and what you’ve contrived,
what you never see.

The brother who always forgives.
The lover who always pleases.
The friend who always listens.
The friend who always helped.
The son who carried it through.

For decades you’ve had,
shaped all that I am,
all that I will ever be,
but you did so in your image.

You never knew what I wanted,
You never knew who I could be.

Only what you needed,
was all that ever became of me.

The broken man you see today is the one you created,
derided, abandoned, kicked, broke, fixed, drained,
patched, cut, shredded, and pushed out the door,
and pushed out of your life.

When I walked out,
you drug me back,
this life is not mine,
my life is for you,
my life is for us,
it always has been,
and shall ever be.

I am sorry I’ve never been the son you wanted.
I’ve never been the son you expected.
I’ve never been the son who made you proud.

Please do look at me, anymore,
with those eyes of disappointment,
I see those eyes in the mirror every day.

It still cuts me to the bone,
to know even though,
you look right through me,
that you never see,
without you in my life,
I am all but empty.