The game was not all mine, it never was.
This game of Life was your devilish plan.
Congratulations, I am thrilled that you’re proud of yourself.
I guess. Let us remember a few things.
Love was real. It always was At least from my side.
These are my table scraps I will take them as they come.
Because, what you took from me was greater than any sense of wealth, of any sense of community, of any sense of importance.

You took away my belief in you all.
Which I know, you’re just going to say that it was my fault.
If only I could have done whatever I was supposed to have done.
I would plead my moments, of the times I’ve been molested, abused, sexually assaulted, physically and psychologically tortured, led to believe that someone I love is dying, that I’m dying, that I am going to be killed, and that there is no possible way there is anyone out there on social media, on Grindr, on Adam4Adam, on anything relationship or romance focused, and they’re using tiktok and youtuber’s names and likenesses to do it.

What great stuff. But that’s impossible. Right? No, it”s really not.

But here’s the new thing. If you don’t care, neither do I. You go play your games your way. I loved you. I loved you with my whole heart. My whole soul – and whether or not you believe it or care to believe it, I’m being victimized here.

But, like I said, you don’t care? Neither do I.

I know, you think this was the right way to play your games. Well – after 40 years om this earth, having all sorts of stupid, all sorts of crazy, entitled, and just down-right punk ass motherf*ckers coming my direction – I’ve been told to just stuck it up, let it happen to me. Take what I get and like it. Be grateful. Be Graceful.

Here’s my version of grace and the most emphatic way I could have responded. I am important. I am worth, and worthy of being loved; I am worthy of being loved HOWEVER I DEEM necessary.

So, that’s how I’m going to proceed here. If you don’t know how to love me the way I need to be loved. Well, then so be it. I’m done apologizing. I’m done trying to make you, or anyone feel better. I’m tired of feeling anything. This is your legacy. This is your win. Go out and celebrate it. Rage until the dawn.

After all this, why didn’t I go to the police? Because I know how policing works in America. IThey’ll take a memo, they’ll find some rule or regulation to pass it off. Oh, it was COVID. Oh it’s all in your head. You’re clearly delusional.

So, Let’s go with that. Nick’s fucked up in the head. But, because of your cockamamie rules. Nick cannot show it. Let’s see how normal Nick is in 3 months, 6 months, a year. If I live that long.

I told you, neither of us were going to get what we wanted until you grew a pair of something and addressed me specifically with your questions. If you think you know me, if you think you know my health, my recovery, you don’t know shIt.

---

“I cannot believe he’s gone.
I can’t believe you’re going.
I cannot believe this family must die.
Angel helped us believe in love;
I cannot believe you disagree.
I cannot believe this is goodbye.”
“Without You – RENT, the Musical”

I could never do to another as I’ve had done to me. Golden rule my ass. I hope you choke on your golden rule. Because when I turn this cheek, and the others, I won’t turn back around. As you wished.