I regret that I did not know enough about the differences in language to understand how a lack of clarity, an inability to communicate, and a failure to see each other as deeply human and beautifully flawed people would be so detrimental to my present and our future.

I regret that it was impossible for me to ever meet your expectations.

I regret that there was ever a single moment in our time together that you questioned how much I cared, valued, appreciated, loved, and wanted you in my life, and how much I believe in your greatness.

I regret that there are questions that I will never be able to answer regarding the invasion into my privacy. I regret that I will never be able to fully get over it. I will always wonder.

I regret that you felt you had to deceive me rather than talk to me openly and honestly.

I regret that you felt that I wasn’t dedicated to you our success, and our happiness at all times.

I regret that I was as broken inside as I was when we met. I regret that I am still so broken inside. I am trying to heal, I am trying to move forward. I hope someday I will be able to feel like I once did.

I regret that you felt you had to go seek others to fulfill your desires rather than talk about them with me.

I regret allowing myself to feel that I wasn’t doing enough to please you, that you could never understand that my feelings, my sentiments, and my actions were all focused on making you happy.

I regret that I pushed you so hard to love me sincerely that you had to invent ways that I hurt you so you could justify the way you hurt me.

I do not regret that my belief in you as a deeply wonderful person, and how amazing you are, caused you to show your anger and rage with each and every attack.

I regret that the good in me will always see the goodness in you. Because I know it’s there.

I regret that my feelings were never part of the living calculus, or of such importance enough to you. That you always understood when you hurt my feelings yet, you never seemed to know, or really care, when you should have stopped, looked me in the eyes, and apologize.

I regret that the silence is deafening, that no answers will come, that the only way forward is the path you’ve chosen for us all. That into the abyss, the unknown, my strength, my psyche, and I have, long ago, been tossed.

I am sorry it seemed to be a waste of your time, that is, to respect me, as you created your intrigues and all these games that caused me to unravel and fray.

I regret the number of times I allowed you to walk out the door and how many times I have had to beg you to see me.

I also regret the number of times I prayed that you would finally see that our love and being together was meant to be.

I am not sorry that I cling to the good memories, in all this distress, I continue to focus my gaze back on the last times I had unabashed happiness and all the good times we shared.

That when we were together in those moments connected by our two hearts and those moments were truest love we had. It was true love; a love I will forever cherish in its memory. There was eternal faith and I know those memories live on connected, even if our lives are not.

I am not sorry that I may have made you realize that love is possible for you, even if that love is not granted to me.

I am sorry that you seemingly have never changed your vector of attack, but you feel anger when I have the audacity to fire back in self-defense. I don’t know if the truth will ever come out or you will put yourself in my hands. The outcome we are heading to is only based on the very incompleteness of the truth, false data, and your imagination as it connects the dots..

I regret that you cannot see the real me. I regret that you do not know how to show me the real you.

I am not sorry that I will love you for the remainder of my days.

I am not sorry that I made room for you in my house, in my heart, and in my forever, and that you will always find safe harbor there.

I am not sorry that I believe that the persona you presented is a great man with a big heart, a great smile, and a wonderful family.

I am not sorry that I felt there was many moments of my life and love for you and yours for me. I regret those moments now feel unequal or uncertain.

I am sorry that the only request you seem to make is none at all.

I am not sorry that happiness and sadness come only in acute moments neither one is sustained.