When I’m alone, I think of the times we were together, those many days, and all those calming nights, they were some of the happiest times I’ve ever seen..

And then you pushed me away, you pushed me off a cliff. You got me hurtin’ so bad that I keep missin’, missin’ what I had. My head spinning ’round and ’round, when it stops I be wishin’ I were dead.

those were the happiest of my days, but then you took away the sun, and the night became the coldest and all I can do is run. Without anyone by my side, or come to my aid, I am frozen in place, unable to keep pace. With all this ruckus, injustice, and pain that’s all mine, I am unable to – just be fine. But, every day I try again.

There were many days, since the day I proposed, My heart remembers that moment, as I fell to my knees, unable to breathe.

When we laid together, all those nights in bed, side by side, I never doubted a single heartbeat.
Now, when I am alone, or with another, all I believe in is another’s body heat.

I wish I knew how to let it all go, just like you knew how to let me go.

But, oh no, I’m stuck with you in my head serving up a heaping portion of destruction and dread.

Keep my head right, so I am told, but I

know this truth, those words are just a

subtle activation, a mindful manipulation,
a lighting of the fuse which is set to explode any moment.
Minutes to midnight the second hand moves ever closer.

You left me crying on the tile floor, you left me drunk on pills and vodka, you left me as I fell to my knees, you left me when I needed you the most, and all I have to consume me is this disease.

You broke me, I still cannot break down.
So here I dance, all alone, always your monkey, always in my own circus. Always your clown.
You took me away from me, you took my life from me, yet…..
It is you who can never see.
You cannot ever feel, You cannot ever show, me the grace and compassion that I forever show you.
the many ways I never show you how much I hurt.
How many times I dry my eyes, plaster on a smile, and still wonder why?

You took away my soul, you made me lose all sense lf control, and was forever stuck in this hell hole.

So, somewhere other than those days, somewhere other than the night,
I want to know what you did,
I want to know if we were right,
I want to know if you ever felt we were a sight.. I wish I knew the truth.

So many words you’ve never said,
so many things you’ve all said, so many atom bombs crashing inside my head, So many times, I feel so insecure.
So many times, I don’t wat to be here, so many times I have nowhere to go.
For you, I have love, but I hate myself so you won’t have to.