“The more you love the decisions you make, the less you will need others to love those decisions.” – Unknown
I don’t remember where I picked this quote up from, but it was likely Social Media (TikTok or Instagram)
I raise an objection. Mostly because the wrong word is used here. I think.
Need vs. Want.
In my perspective, it feels like “Need” implies that it is some character trait / defect or flaw. Especially when it’s attached to some psychological or intangible trait like “love.”
Generally speaking, I’ve found that we all have a trigger. It’s a need/want trigger. Speaking strictly for myself:
I need human connection in my life.
I need to feel respected.
I need to feel like I am heard.
I want love to be reciprocal, whether in a friendship or relationship.
I want to be good, just, and kind.
But all of these things, generally are based on a perception of how I’m seen connected or conflated with how I feel I’m treated. I find the only way those perceptions change is by utilizing communication.
More personally, I take great offense with those who say to me “you just need to love yourself more.” or “all you need in life is to love yourself.” To me, that’s a bunch of malarky. Very few people, I think, could live a life of solitude. If you’re a monk, MAAAAAAAAYBE. But even then, they’re not alone.
When a decision has been made that affects or effects a path you’re on, and when those decisions have a direct affect (perceived or real) on one’s person’s life… Then, what I want you to know is that I need to be involved in the discussion.
When you respect a person’s opinion or respect a person in general. You WANT their acceptance; you WANT to meet like-minded people. Within a relationship, there are many times you must make decisions based on your needs (whether those needs are being met or not).
Now, that’s not to say that your decision will not an effect on the other’s lives – in relationships, they always do. Those are the times some would see your choices and decisions as selfish, and they probably are. Not only should you be able to explain the decisions, but obviously you should consider the impact on others. Because only if you’re aware a problem exists can you do anything to fix it.
Other times, consulting or including another in the process is called being considerate. It also has the added benefit of showing a person that you care about their experience, too. Though, some will see this as being burdensome or judgmental. It is sometimes necessary to listen to someone else’s perspective on a particular issue — but you do not have to take their advice. Remember that.
This life is not meant to be lived in isolation. If that were true, we would all still be living on farms or in isolation pods. It’s often said, “it takes a village.
But, the most important item still remains, when you make a decision that hurts someone – the most important thing you can do, the best thing you could do to clear up any hurt feelings is to discuss, apologize, or explain your side.
What I have been struggling with lately is that it feels that very few people want to (at this point) are willing to help me understand why my perspective “is flawed” instead deploying a strategy of deflection, avoidance, and distance.
And I struggle to accept those resignations.
Writing From This Heart 